Fail your way to success.
Feeling like you’ve failed absolutely, positively sucks. Like, it is the worst feeling to try so hard at something just to fall flat on your back. And there are so many opportunities to do just that in life, right? People can fail us, relationships can end, interviews don’t always get you the gig. These are the hard facts of life. But, there’s hope, happy people! There’s hope in feeling the fail.
“Being happy involves actively acknowledging and feeling the pain when it comes…
What do I mean by feeling the fail? Yah, so what that means is to simply feel the fact that it sucks. Allow yourself to absorb the hard work you put in, and also the fact that it didn’t turn out the way you wanted. Sometimes, we can get caught up in the idea that being positive means having no negative emotions.
But, that’s just the farthest thing from the truth! Being happy involves actively acknowledging and feeling the pain when it comes – because it will! But also having the tools and habits and tribe in place to get you back to your happy place. Does that make sense?
Well, anyway, back to the topic at hand. We’ve established a great foundation with the idea that failing feels pretty crappy. Great. Now what? Aside from really feeling the initial blows, what are the real steps toward succeeding the next time? Glad you asked, my friend! Please scroll.
So, after feeling the fail, taking some time to regroup is first and foremost. It is super important to feel everything about it initially, but also not to stay in that low place for too long. Licking your wounds is one thing. Don’t make a bed and lie down. Make time and space for you to evaluate the situation. Look at the pros and the cons of not getting what you wanted. Ask yourself, “Are there any opportunities here that I’m missing because I am only focused on the loss?”
Push yourself in this place because this is your chance to figure out the very next step, which will lead to the next, and so on. The point of this exercise is to eventually make it to success, so really spend adequate time here. Click here to read about my own personal experience with failure.
Next on the list – do things you love to do.
Get your juices going again. If you’re really feeling the fail, even after the evaluation and regroup process, it’s time to go have some fun! Get your friends together and have a paint and sip party cuz why not. Go to a concert, a museum, the next town – get out and be inspired!
What’s also good to do besides just having fun is do the thing you get lost in. Do the thing that makes you forget to pee. That thing will reenergize you, and reboot your confidence to tackle the next challenging goal on the list!
Lastly, don’t let the fail fester into fear.
Once this happens, it’s soooo so much harder to get back to your goals journey. Fear can develop if you stay in any of these phases for too long. If you make your bed of sadness, and if you start to make the excuse of not knowing what to do next during the evaluation process, the trap of fear is waiting. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Do NOT fall into that fear trap, sis. The way to do that is to take that next step toward the possibility of failing all over again. You can’t lose heart, you have to keep going to keep living. Once you give up, that’s it! You know it, and I know it. Feed your spirit, and keep on pushing. Soon enough, the fails will lead to your greatest successes.
Also, a gentle reminder that there is NO MAGIC BULLET TO SUCCESS. Okay, it wasn’t gentle, but it’s such an important message to be reminded of! Of course, there are some overnight sensations that gain viral popularity almost immediately, but those stories are few and far between (although media makes it seems quite the contrary). More often than not, those seemingly overnight successes resulted only after YEARS of sweat, blood, and tears of passion and no-profit work. You’ve just caught the tailwind of that effort. So, let’s first recognize that on a much more regular basis, true and lasting success comes only after the failures.
Prime examples of major successes after failures:
- Oprah Winfrey is a survivor of child sexual abuse and being told she was too emotional for television. She has gone on to become the only black female billionaire. You can overcome this.
- J.K. Rowling, who was suicidal and impoverished when she started writing Harry Potter, a franchise that is now worth $25 billion. The world needs your dream to stay alive.
- Walt Disney wasn’t creative enough for a newspaper, was fired, went into business for himself and went bankrupt – all before landing 32 Academy Awards. Don’t give up.
Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, and that there IS hope for the future you’ve always imagined.
And, finally:
“If you fall, fall on your back. If you can look up, you can get up.” Les Brown